Post by Yona Maro on Sept 9, 2005 8:51:24 GMT -5
A JOURNEY TO BAPTISM
Every journey has a beginning. I did not know that on that Saturday morning in March three years ago I was about to set out on a personal journey that would bring about a new way of understanding, perceiving and relating to the world around me.
With my Friend and three year old Men we called quite impulsively into a fete being held in nearby church grounds. My Friend, seeking to introduce her son to a church experience asked a lady conducting a stall if we could come to her church tomorrow. She said we would be made most welcome. My Friend said he’d come along because he wanted to hear the pipe organ. As long as I can remember I have feared entering any church. I fear having to deal with unknown ritual and mystery. This fear loomed large on this occasion. Although I struggled to subdue this fear, by the next morning I was in a state of near panic about attending church. Nevertheless, we did go. We were welcomed warmly and my panic gradually receded as the service progressed.
In the days that followed I came to see my first visit to a church in some years as a heart-warming and helpful experience. So although church and Christianity remained an emotional as well as intellectual challenge for me I did muster the courage to return the following Sunday with my Friend. Once again we enjoyed the service and the time spent chatting with other worshippers over a cup of tea. Sunday after Sunday we found ourselves ineluctably drawn to go. The more we attended the more we felt a part of this community and the more drawn to accepting Jesus as part of our life.
Early on in this journey of discovery, I spoke with Peter our Minister about the Christian faith, and began to explore the possibility of Baptism. After talking this through with Peter he asked one of the Elders to be my Companion on this faith journey. There was a special service in the Church to mark this step, and with my Friend we joined a weekly bible study group that helps us all to reflect on the Lectionary reading for the coming Sunday. That group has been a wonderfully welcoming and accepting group whose members have openly shared their lives, their doubts and their faith.
Whilst this change was occurring I was facing resistance to becoming a Christian from long time friends who were hostile to the Church and to Christianity. It was difficult to admit to them that I was now attending church on a regular basis. When I made some reference to my church activities one of my friends invariably said: “I hope you are not becoming one of those.” I realised that so entrenched was their antagonism to Christianity that it was pointless to try and explain why I was becoming active in the life of the church. However, the friendships remain as strong as ever. Although they are not sharing in any way my new Christian life, these women remain my loyal, helpful, trusting, dear friends.
I questioned why all my adult life I felt estranged from religion and Church ceremonies. I reasoned this was because I had not been baptised. I felt marginal, different, outside a world that both frightened and attracted me. I felt compelled to have my Family baptised when they were young so that they could pursue a religious life if they so chose. My problems and fears were of my own making but they did not go away.
Into the second year of my church attendance, Peter suggested that an Easter date be set for my baptism. I had come to realise that I was not entirely on a journey of my own choosing. I still felt I was at best marginal to the life of the Christian community, although by this time I had been active in church life for two years. During worship I continued to feel like an observer more than a participant. I found collective prayer difficult almost alienating.
On the first Sunday of Lent, in a special part of the liturgy I was ‘called to Baptism’, and Peter gave me a book of Christian teaching for me to read each week, I met with Peter, and my Companion Ena, to participate in weekly preparations for baptism.
Whilst I was participating in weekly instruction in preparation for baptism, worship began to take on new meaning and significance, emotionally and spiritually, as well as intellectually. No longer was I haunted by my earlier feelings of aloneness, insecurity, and fear of the church’s rituals and worship. Along the way, Peter and Ena created for me a sense of calmness and trust from which I gained personal serenity and a sense of communion with fellow worshippers and with God.
All through the season of Lent the church community prayed for me as I prepared for Baptism. On several Sundays I was invited into the Sanctuary for some special prayers, where I felt strengthened and encouraged, surrounded by the love and care of the community.
On the day of my baptism the whole church community gathered round me and physically and emotionally took me as it were to its collective bosom. I felt enfolded. I felt a sense of security and love. I felt forgiven and accepted by God. The service of baptism was a marker for me of the transition from being outside to being inside Christ’s community. But it was more than that: for the responses of repentance and turning to Christ, and the moving content, rhythm and drama of the service itself, brought about this transformation and increased my understanding of my commitment to Christian life.
So experiencing the sacrament of Baptism has brought me a strong conviction of being a full participant in the life of the church. It is in the church community that I have experienced repeatedly the goodness and compassion of Christ. For me, the kindness and love of Christ is being found in the unobtrusive helping presence, the understanding, acceptance and consideration of members of this church community. I find it in the selflessness of people who on a day-to-day basis put the needs of others before themselves. I have now a strong sense of being part of a family but it is not just another family but one in which these special qualities are manifested.
One year on from my baptism my sense of belonging to this Christian community and to the wider Christian community have strengthened. My membership of this community impinges on every part of my life. I rejoice in the on-going vitality, warmth and love of this Christian life of which I am now a part. I feel anything but a Sunday Christian. Many things have contributed to my reaching this point. I accept that God’s hand is in all of this but I acknowledge also, with unreserved gratitude, my minister and companion who generously supported me through the lengthy and rewarding period of preparation for baptism. They were and continue to be patient with my endeavour to comprehend and live out the Christian faith. I now see my baptism as a marvellous gift that has been offered to me. It is something I have willingly wanted to embrace and have it permeate all aspects of my life. With humility and respect I accept this gift of new life.
Yet, I feel that I have taken no more than a few steps on the journey of Christian discipleship. Following Jesus means sharing in an active way in the life of suffering as well as the life of joy and communion. I acknowledge that there is a long way yet for me to go to understand and implement Christ’s call to follow him. The journey has many byways and there are many stops for questioning, reaffirming, exploring, believing, doubting. If I were to be asked at the present time, ‘Where are you at in your Christian journey?” I would say that I am still finding my way but I am finding God most clearly revealed in the love and compassion of people one for another.
